i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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