it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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