this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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