Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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