Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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