Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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