bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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