don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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