My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Small penises have feelings too.
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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