She is in my trunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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