The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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