well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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