My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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