Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The Olympian is in my bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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