sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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