he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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