You really coming over, don't trick.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
50% drunk capacity currently
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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