He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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