I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize