Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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