She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize