So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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