No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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