New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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