All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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