The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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