Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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