For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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