If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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