So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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