I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize