Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
People in love make me want to vomit
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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