Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
cat food counts as protein by the way
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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