I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize