If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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