I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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