oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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