Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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