Soap is not a condiment
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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