There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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