She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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