I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im holly from the hills drunk
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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