I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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