it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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