I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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