Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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