covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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