Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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