FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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