He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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